hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
