Where is the hickey?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
