sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
