LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
