Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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