I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
