I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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