All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
