i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
