if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
