I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
