You can't motorboat a personality
our cab driver is having phone sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
