I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
