make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
