I am puke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
