I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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