It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
