Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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