Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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