Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
