need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
