I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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