I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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