when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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