i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
