The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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