I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
