I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
