My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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