you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
