why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
