He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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