so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
