I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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