she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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