I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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