meet me or not, i'm out of control
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
