There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
