TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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