yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
