I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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