thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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