Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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