is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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