I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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