I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
