it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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