went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
