Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
