I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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