ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
