obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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