When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
