This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
