I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
