his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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