Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My friends, they love my intelligence
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
