well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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