Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
