one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
