i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
