I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
