I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
