I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
