I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
