this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize